Soundless Voice

At night when silence
Envelopes the town
It is raining white
I hold up my palms
The snow melts as soon as I touched it
A transient piece of life

Ciel stared at the window, his pale hand touching the glass as the snow fell from the ash black sky, his single, royal blue eye staring into the scenery before him with a blank expression. He sighed, slowly sliding his hand down, and it immediately fell back into place. If only I knew... He remembered the day. The day you disappeared, fell out of his reach, just like everyone around him. The Phantomhive male thought he would never learn to smile, to be happy. But when he first saw your bright (E/C) eyes, warm smile, and bouncy (H/C) hair, he knew it was going to change.

But of course, all good things had to end.

He still remembered that day, that accursed day you took your own life...

Snow accumulates without a sound
Like light
You smile as you gathered it
Hey, how do I sound?
Even if I reply, you
Cannot hear anymore

Ciel sighed, shaking his head. He would never admit it, but you had changed his negative perspective of the world drastically. He no longer believed his life was one simple chess game, that he selfishly had to eliminate everyone hindering him from achieving his revenge, be it stranger or even a relative.

Seating himself upon the richly-carved and polished wooden desk, he lazily picked up the quill in his hand, the ominous moonlight reflecting his family ring. Pausing from his work and taking a glance at the ring, he stared at it the same way he did minutes ago at the sky- blank, and emotionless.

His sudden change of attitude started to worry the close circle of people around him, including his fiancee, her family, his servants...even his own demon butler, who wasn't even supposed to feel any emotion at all. Placing the quill back on the desk, he stepped out of his seat and calmly walked out of the door, thinking he could do his paperwork later. He never would, though.

Say you're in pain
Say you're lonely
I'll find you
Wherever you are...

It's been nearly half a year since you've been gone, and Ciel had drastically changed. He became apathetic, lost an alarming amount of weight due to his seemingly nonexistent appetite, let the papers stack up on his desk and ignore his duties as the Queen's Watchdog, and placed the company under his Aunt Francis's care in the meantime. All because of you.

Strolling about the deathly quiet and dusty halls of the manor, he gazed deeply into a mirror, and stepped back in anguish as he saw his reflection warp into your image, with that same nightgown of yours and a somber expression on your pale face. Painful memories came crashing towards him like tidal waves, and recalled the excruciating day you had taken your own life...

It was a snowy evening in the (L/N) mansion, as a skinny (H/C)-haired girl examined a pistol in her hands with tired-looking eyes. She'd lost all hope for the world, never actually believed in it at all the moment she was born, and she just couldn't take it anymore.

Her name was Lady (F/N) (L/N), daughter of Earl and Countess (L/N)- the black sheep of the family. The poor girl was misunderstood and maltreated, her parents mistaking her simple desire for love and empathy as selfishness and arrogance. She'd tried her entire life to please them, to get their attention- but no, they'd always appreciated her older siblings Sophie and James more.

Tired of being treated like a disgrace, she let out a cold, sarcastic laugh, staring at the trigger with a twisted smile. The smile faded, and her lip trembled- before the (H/C) erupted into whimpers and soft sobs, burying her head in her knees- throwing the pistol on the foot of her bed.

As the snow becomes thicker
You gradually fade away
I can't do anything but embrace you
I wish, just one more time
To hear your voice
One more time, just one more time...
Say my name...

Unbeknownst to the girl, though, was that her sole friend and secret love of her life was heading to her very home, an expensive-looking locket in his hand. He rubbed his gloved thumb on the diamond engraved upon it, pressing the precious material to his lips.

As the carriage came to a stop, his faithful butler led him out, towards the marble staircase. Sebastian knocked on the door. A maid had opened the door.

"G-good evening," she stuttered.

"Good evening to you too, miss." Ciel replied, clearing his throat- tightening the grip on the locket, which he had stuffed in his pocket. "May I inquire where Lady (F/N) (L/N) is?"

The maid turned to point at the far left, at the very top of the grand foyer. "L-Lady (F/N)'s bedchamber is at the very end of the hall." Ciel didn't bother to thank the maid or even say a word as he pushed past her, climbing up the staircase with a blank look on his face.

Once he had made it to the very beginning of the hall, soft sobs rang in his ears. Curious, he searched for the source of the sound- and soon was standing in front of the gloomy-looking room at the very end of the hall. "(F/N)?" The girl's breath hitched; and she scrambled to grab the pistol and make a run for it towards her closet.

Before she could, however, a hand gripped hers. "What do you want from me?!" she cried, turning to face whoever was behind her.

"(F-F/N)...? What...what happened to you...?" Ciel said slowly.

From your unfocused, blank eyes
A drop appeared
In this gray world
Everything has stopped
Except for the quietly falling snow

"None of your business." She glared at him, shaking his hand away. "Why are you even here, anyway? Get out."

"(F/N)..."

"You don't know who I really am, don't you?" She said grimly, shoving the pistol in his face. "See this? I've been keeping this in my dresser for weeks, and I've been contemplating on using it for a little while now. But tonight, nothing's going to stop me now."

Ciel was horrified, eye widening. "Wha...what...?"

"Were you that stupid to think I was all rainbows and sunshine? I thought you were better than that, Ciel." She let out a cold laugh. "I'm not what everyone thinks I am. I'm no happy-go-lucky prick who acts all stupid and cheerful."

"Why...why didn't you tell me...?"

"Because..." she sighed softly, sitting on her bed. "I know you've lost your parents in the worst way possible, but ever since I was just learning to speak, my parents loathed me...treated me like I was a disgrace. Countless times I've tried to get their attention, to please them, to receive at least a shrapnel of love and empathy. But those greedy little nits don't even care."

Ciel fell silent, not knowing how to sympathize with her. The poor girl's been treated horribly by her own family, and while she was wallowing in self-pity and suffering he was having the time of his life playing with his parents, aunt and cousin...

"(F/N)..." He said softly. She turned to look at him with an anguished expression. "What next?" she hissed.

"I...I wanted to give you this..." He said, pulling the locket out and placing it in her hands. She immediately struck it to the floor. "Peh, no stupid locket'll change my mind."

"(F-F/N), what--"

"JUST GET OUT, WILL YOU?!" She screamed. "I don't want you here, and I don't need you here! Take the damn locket with you and leave!" She got up, throwing the locket into his hands with perfect precision. "Now go!"

"But--"

"GET. OUT!"

"SNAP OUT OF IT, WILL YOU?!" He screamed back, pulling her into a tight embrace. The (H/C) slumped over in his arms, sobbing loudly.

"(F-F/N)...don't...don't do this. Everything will get better soon, a-alright?" A small smile lit the girl's pale face, Ciel's lips mimicking her action. That quiet moment of serenity quickly changed into complete horror as she smiled and lifted the pistol in her hand, placing it in her mouth. "Yeah, it will."

"(F/N), NO!"

But it was too late. She mouthed an 'I love you' before pressing the trigger, painting the wall behind them with blood in a mere second, a loud bang ringing in his ears-the girl falling deathly silent in his arms.

Ciel cradled her limp body in his arms, not minding the flow of blood staining his silk glove. He bit his lip, trying his very best not to cry. He almost glared at her face with frustration and anger, uttering under his breath-

"You...you idiot..."

"I...I-I love you too..."

You are becoming cold
Your voice has not come back
We've given up understanding each other
Hear my voice, smile for me once more
I have ran out of tears
I cannot 
Melt you...

If possible, my voice
Take it all away
And give it to the person dear to me

The young earl shook his head, gripping at his hair and groaning in frustration. He sighed, both mind and body exhausted- and proceeded to drag himself towards his bedroom to rest for the night. Placing his hands in his pockets, he felt something cold and smooth in texture, along with something that seemed like a small chain.

Diving his hand deeper, he pulled out the accursed locket. Yes, that very same locket he was supposed to give to you. He gazed upon the diamond with an almost disgusted look, and was just about to throw it on the side and leave it- but simply shoved it back in his pockets and continued walking towards his bedroom, heart heavy with guilt at how he could've saved you.

If I'll be in a world alone
Without you
Just...take me away
With you

The next morning, he woke up, as usual. He brushed off breakfast and proceeded towards his study, gazing blankly at all the knick-knacks lined up against the walls. He stopped dead in his tracks, gazing at a photograph laying on a small desk. He picked up the photograph. There was something written on it.

To my best friend, Ciel.

It was a photograph of you and him sitting with each other, broad smiles on your faces. No matter how much you bugged him to, Ciel never admitted his smile was truly genuine. The corners of his lips went upwards for a second, before a second wave of memories came crashing in to ruin the moment.

He tried his best to keep a stoic look on his face, to let everything go, until he recalled the day of your funeral.

It was a fairly crisp spring morning inside an old stone cathedral, where a funeral was being held. At the very front of the cathedral sat a middle-aged couple with emotionless expressions on their faces, standing completely still. Beside them sat a sobbing ginger-haired girl, crying and wailing out for forgiveness, despite having done absolutely nothing. Sitting beside the young lady sat a stoic-looking young man with ruffled charcoal-colored hair, head hung low, staring at the floor- for no one to notice the tears streaking down the lad's face, clutching at his dark pant legs tightly and biting his lip.

Behind the four sat pew after pew of the deceased's acquaintances and closest friends, ranging from affluent-looking and distinct nobles to the poorest of poor, from children to the elderly- wearing their finest monochrome clothing.

The sounds of distress and grief were silenced by the loud slamming of the cathedral doors, followed by the soft whooshing of the gentle June breeze. Then, one by one, then in a large clump, flower petals of all shapes, sizes, scents and type came drifting in, leaving the entire crowd of people in awe.

The only one that did not stand with their jaw wide open and their eyes the size of a saucer was a cobalt-haired boy with his hair slicked back, staring at the coffin with a calm-looking expression. The boy looked down at his hands, which held a golden locket- glimmering softly as a ray of sunlight struck its gleaming diamond.

I love you, even that
Cannot be said
Our era
Is about to close
Forever
Even if I shout, I can't get
You or your voice back

At that very moment, Ciel snapped. He fell to his knees and gripped at his hair wildly, but did not scream nor cry- just sat there, large clumps of his hair twisted in his hand in a death grip. He let out a long, frustrated sigh, shaking his head and standing up. He unintentionally let himself drag his nimble little body towards his bedroom, closing the door behind him quietly.

Ciel plopped himself on his plush king-sized bed, raking his hands through his hair tiredly. Ciel closed his eyes, looking almost peaceful and serene- until he threw a pillow out of his messy bed, revealing a silver pistol in which he always kept under his pillow in times of danger.

He stood up abruptly, pistol in a tight grip- his face showing no signs of emotion.

Scrambling around the room for something to write on, he settled on the fountain pen he had found in his dresser, along with a ripped shred of newspaper from an unknown date.

The earl breathed raggedly, placing the pistol down gently as he wrote in almost illiterate grammar his final words.

All for her, he wrote, his heart thumping faster as he wrote his signature in its usual fashion.

Facing the window, as if an audience were in front of him, he slowly lifted the gun to the side of his head. A loud bang blasted in his ears, and Ciel toppled to the floor, a small smile on his lips.

He stared outside the window in his final moments, that haunting smile lighting his features in a morbidly peaceful way- the falling snow the last thing he ever saw, failing to hear the cries of joy and the loud swinging of his bedroom door open.

To the falling snow
Please don't stop falling
Take me away with her
Everything transient, my voice, my life
Erase all of them
Until all is white...